A Note From Astrid-Gwynedd xx

I made the decision today to unlist my YouTube videos and work on re-recording them now that I have means of producing a better quality sound and a decent picture. Will start work on this later this week but in the meantime I'm working putting together voice acting demo reels as it's something I have been planning for a very long time. I've been very distant from online presence the last few months for various reasons - particularly including lack of self confidence for my musical abilities alongside illness and college work- but returning and seeing how I still have so much support on Twitter and Reverbnation in particular has made me realise that I just need to keep learning and improving and NOT giving up. Thank you to those who have been with me from the start; my amazing family and friends, and to those who haven't who have purely come across me due to my music or my blog. We're well into 2013 now and it's time for a change in me and the way that I 'market' myself, so to speak. A new, more confident, more ambitious, more hard-working and more flamboyant Astrid has been born, and I hope that she will do you proud. This will be posted across every social media platform that I use because I feel it important to say thank you for your continued support and being such an inspiration.

- Kisses! xx

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Combining Old with New

You may know that recently I've been more focused on Dei Gratia, the worship duo that I am involved with, and not only that but I've started college to study Music, Music Tech, Performing Arts and French which means that I seem to be permanently plugged into some classical, baroque or opera music and I actually just finished a three hour study session listening to Bizet's Carmen.

In case you haven't realized from that summary of my shenanigans, all of this means that for the next few years I have to focus more on my classical playing; violin and singing, as opposed to my jazz/acoustic/folk etc. It doesn't mean that I'll be stopping! It just means that I may be here and there for a while. Aiming for music college requires a lot of dedication and I have to really put that in now.

However, let's just say I have some surprises planned :P
Keep a look out for me here and there...

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Spring Cleaning My Whole Life

"Why on earth do I have so much stuff?" I asked myself only after I'd pulled out the entire contents of my wardrobe. I don't think I realized that my hoarding habit had got quite that ridiculous until then. I mean, it was so bad that I was shocked not to find mini lost Amazonian tribes in there in their own little mini world.

This week is my designated 'spring clean' because lo and behold, my 16th birthday arrives this Thursday and I want to clear out the shit of school and my past and have a new, fresh start. New college, new friends, being discharged from the CAHMS system, a fresher room and a new me is exactly what I need, and exactly what I'm making happen.

I'm going to explain some of my story today, which is a tender subject, but hopefully it'll help you to understand my music and my outlook more, and just how much it means to me that some people like my music.

Basically, I've always had troubles when it came to people and being accepted. In primary school I was always 'the fat one',  and in secondary school I was always too 'weird' to be seen with. I studied hard, I dressed flamboyantly, I loved all sorts of unusual things compared to other people, and I hated most things that were 'in'. And obviously because of the way people treated me, spoke about me, the physical trials they put me through and also other factors which made me wary of the opposite gender, I began to hate myself.
Understatement. I despised myself and I wanted to die so badly and there was nobody I could talk to. I'd pushed everybody who did care away and tried everything to cope with my feelings; various forms of self harm and trying to make myself perfect. But I don't want to dwell on the past now. I will blog about my eating disorder some other time in relation to the media and peer pressure, but not now. The point is, without having music and my online fandoms to help me, I probably wouldn't be here. Being in and out of counselling never really helped me, and school was shit at doing anything until the final year.

Anyway, the important thing now is to wake up every morning and thank God that he led me back to him after I lost all belief, hope, and general understanding of myself and be damn proud of myself for getting through it all. Even just 6 months ago, when I first attempted to become Astrid-Gwynedd I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and now I'm here. Okay, I still have some quite horrendous days and I am still on medication, but that's to be expected. The difference though, is incredible. I've learnt that although I may not be the most talented, intelligent or beautiful girl, and I may have quite a few extra pounds around my waist from binge eating due to stress, but what does it matter? I finally accept that I have a right to be just as happy as the next person, and if I want to be then I shouldn't care about these things. My unusual tastes make me more cultured, my looks don't matter compared to my nature and as long as I enjoy my hobbies that's all that matters.

And you know the ironic thing? I have more friends at college than any of those people who gave me problems at school.

I'd like to finish off this post by making a plea to anybody out there who feels victimized, worthless and suicidal. Tell somebody. Tell somebody who can do something. It's so difficult, but if you can talk about the way you feel then you're on the first step to finding your light and coming out of the darkness. Even if you want somebody else to do it for you and 'notice' to prove they care, you have to be the one to do it. You're the one in control, and you really are in control. One day, it could be you having come out of it all, stronger and better than the people who dragged you down and you're not alone. You never will truly be alone. Just remember how incredibly brave and amazing you are.

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Things That Bemuse Me #5: The Hipster and The Pastel Hair Craze

Don't get me wrong, I love pastel hair, I really do. See my picture of my poor fading hair below. I dip dyed my hair pink because it was something that I've wanted to do from the age of 6.

However, what I can't understand is how now that I've left school and it's no longer against the rules, it's been gradually becoming the fashion for the last year. I'm no hipster, but I hate being 'mainstream' and the same as everybody else purely because I feel like I want to express who I am and if that becomes fashion then people will look at me as if I'm a mindless clone, or a sheep who just goes along with the herd. This is not true to my personality or intention. However, I do undeniably have pastel passion from my days of being lolita so anybody who has pastel coloured hair is +100 on my respect list. 

Anyway, my rant was not supposed to be about how people perceive me, it was supposed to be an online rambling about a quandry which has been perplexing me for quite some time now, and I would love for somebody to discuss and perhaps enlighten me to the answer.

In English, I mean 'who the heck started this?!'

My guess is that it stems from Tumblr girls, because let's face it, the famous ones are hipster. Here is a step by step guide to my current theory:

1. Hipsters on Tumblr.

2. Non-hipsters join Tumblr and follow hipsters.

3. They realize that hipsters look pretty darn cool and draw 'inspiration'
4. They end up looking exactly like a hipster.
5. Non Tumblr people see these Tumblr people who are half-hipster, see so many, copy, and it becomes in fashion.

I don't doubt that celebrities have done it also, it's just to me everybody nowadays looks hipster, just not all have the attitude. Honestly, if you're going to be hipster, why not just act it too?

Note: Yes, I do think most hipsters have an incredible dress sense and I would wear similar things if I wouldn't find it utter hypocrisy and  a walking oxymoron.

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Things That Bemuse Me #4: Contests, concerts, technology. No instruments?

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My showcase weekend is over, my college trial is finished, Music For Youth is done, only the tour to Berlin and Galtres festival left before September now. I'm planning on getting some charity work done at some point though, and maybe losing 20lbs, but other than that, I actually have free time now.

As you'd probably guess by the title, my showcase went well and I won three medals. Two bronze for dance, and my gold for singing. But, it was a shame really when I came to play because I was the only competitor who was playing an instrument, everybody else was using a backing track. Now, I think this gave me a bigger chance in the contest as I was different which *cough* of course isn't a bad thing, but it made me think about musicianship today and that kind of put a downer on my mood.

Something I'm aware of is that many people nowadays are lazy. They do whatever they can get out of doing a lot of things which might cause them to have to think or work. When I asked the other competitors if they played an instrument, only three out of the twelve said yes. When I asked those who had said no why, they replied 'I don't have the patience', and 'I did for a bit but then I gave up because I couldn't do it'. Those are things I just don't understand. I could understand if they had said it was because they would rather have done something else, but to say 'can't' and 'don't have the patience' is just the equivalent of 'I can't be bothered'.

Then I wonder, are they just drawing inspiration from shows like X Factor, where they prefer contestants to not play their instruments? When I asked the girls who did play instruments why they didn't play them to perform, they just said that it was easier to use a backing track. Does this show influence, laziness, or lack of confidence? Maybe it shows all three, but I personally feel that it's very much along the lines of 'oh we'll get rich and famous by chance and it'll be easy', which is what people often seem to think. The idea of having to work for that seems alien because of Youtube Stars and Televised Talent Contests. 

It's ironic really that I should be blogging about this subject, as since college I have decided upon taking Music Technology too, and had three trial lessons. Something I remember distinctly was my teacher telling us a story about the times before technology when Bach walked 250 miles to hear a recital by Buxtehude in Lubeck. That showed either that he was a super intelligent madman, or dedicated to his art. Let's go with the latter. The questions that I am mulling over here are these: Is technology used in performance making people lazy, and are live instrument-playing artists going to fade away in mainstream culture?

Note: I do not disagree with the use of technology. Wouldn't is be hypocritical of me to have a blog and disapprove of using a computer? 

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Long Time No See

Apologies for my lack of posting recently. I will get back into regular habit. My life has been super hectic what with Year 11 GCSE exams, but I'll soon be finished. Just one more left to go!

This weekend is going to be packed with my Dance School showcase too, with me doing a ballet performance on Saturday and selling tickets on the door to help get people in afterwards. Sunday, I'll be doing a Mime piece and also a Hip-Hop piece before I perform Paloma Faith's Upside Down acoustic. If you fancy a laugh it's on at The Hive, Manor High School in York. We're having just a general showcase of our classwork and a bit more, set out like a competition. It should be... interesting, for sure.

So yes, I've practically left school now and I have a tonne of new material to get recorded. Stay tuned for that!

On another side, I've had some more good news. I no longer need to visit my doctor and be weighed every two weeks. For those of you who don't know, I struggled with anorexia and then what was labeled binge eating disorder, and now I've put all my weight back on, but I'm much healthier. Still involved with CAMHS, but one step at a time. I've realized how much happier I've become and I just want to stay this way, enjoying my life, making music, and loving God.

Thanks for reading this long, rambling, useless post.
God bless!

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Music Is My Relief

If I tell you I have a difficult week this week, I really mean it. I'm 15 so GCSE's are hitting me hard right now. I'm struggling to find the time to do anything. At least I know that I'll be out of school completely in four weeks, never ever to return.

The thing is, I'm bad at studying like many teenagers. I find it so difficult to get my head around the idea of sitting for long periods of time to learn. My mind races and I lose track too quickly. I swear that right now my life consists of studying, prayer and music. There's a lot of pressure on me to get my grades, since I want to obviously go to college and then study music at a conservatoire. I have a 'conditional' place at a college for next year, to study Performing Arts, Music and French, but I need the grades.

Perhaps this is just useless rambling, I just felt the need to vent somewhere and as today is my personal update day, I figured that I would do it here, in the hopes that if people think of me there might be a chance of me at least passing my subjects. For this random post, I do apologize.

To let you know what is up-and-coming:
-My choir tour to Venice!
-PledgeMusic campaign
-New covers (I'm taking requests if you have any)
-Interview with Blackbeard's Tea Party, right here.

Until next week's ramble, I assure you that this blog will be free from my venting, or personal life.
Adieu!

Things That Bemuse Me #3: The Messy Bird's Nest Bun

Every day when I'm going to school, this girl walks past. She's a Year 8 and she's pretty. Yet, I can't help myself from laughing whenever I see her. The thing is, she's followed fashion. She's jumped on the bandwagon, along with many other girls, and decided to wear her hair up in a giant messy bun.

The above image demonstrates a more classy version of what this girl I see looks like.

I can understand the image, as it is couture fashion which has it's place. What I can't understand are the girls who think it looks good to put their hair right up on the top of their head and sleep with it like that for a month. Isn't that just gross? So, aside from looking like 18th Century French prostitutes, they look like tramps. How exactly is that supposed to be hot?

Not going to lie, the messy bun can be a very classy thing when done nicely. But I just can't understand why girls want to pile it up on top of their heads and back-comb it until it is three quarters of the size of their torso. It just doesn't make sense and it's not attractive. 

I can't say that I'm a Selena Gomez fan, but her hair is honestly so much better than this trampy, disgusting look that people are wearing right now. If more people tried to look more presentable, clean, educated and refined, as opposed to women who try to make themselves look like the picture below, then modern day life would be so much more innocent and possibly so much happier too.

Katie Price : The role model of too many young girls.

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Blog Timetable #1

In order for this whole blogging thing to work, I have decided to create a schedule. Fair enough, isn't it?

Monday: Astrid-Gwynedd Updates/Personal Musical Rambling
Tuesday: Artist Profile
Thursday: Things That Bemuse Me (series)
Friday: Highlight of the Week

Also, I'm hoping that I may perhaps score a few interviews with bands/artists so stay tuned.

Things that Bemuse Me #2: The Busker and his Stingy Audience

Busking is something that most musicians do at some point - be it for experience, pleasure, or the money. Personally, I think that walking through streets in iconic towns and cities such as York or Beverley without being surrounded by music would be the end of the world.

 

© chrisjohnbeckett at Flickr

Sadly, in many places, especially Hull, people don't stop to reward the musicians, but instead just walk straight by. We've really got to the world where many people are too busy to even stop for even one moment to listen properly and admire good musicianship. Would it kill people to just throw in 50p, or even less if they don't have that much on them? Even person walking by gave the musician busking even 10p it would at least be something.

For me, I almost always give any busker I see some money, and usually at least £1. Quite often, if they're selling CD's I buy those too, just to show support for local artists. It shocks me to see how many people don't.

The other day I was out with a friend, and after walking past a hipster playing the guitar he turned to me and said, 'I didn't personally give him money because his strum pattern is rubbish'. Despite the fact that this friend of mine is a guitarist, I couldn't help but feel saddened by the fact that it has come down to such a trivial matter. As we walked down that street, at least 40 others passed the boy, and not a single person stopped to listen.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who do give money. It's just personally I feel that especially where I live, buskers are frowned upon.

Why do people behave like this towards street musicians?

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Things that Bemuse Me #1: The oxymoron that is... The Hipster

Everywhere I go I see wannabe hipsters, and it annoys the hell out of me. Not going to lie, I love how they dress, but what annoys me is that they look practically identical.

©Neil.sadler Flickr
If I am not mistaken, the whole point of being 'hipster' is to be different to everybody else - not 'mainstream'. In a way, I agree. I mean ew, who would want to be a mainstream skin-ginger-slag? The problem is though, they try to look different by looking the same. Baggy trousers, smart shoes, flattering tops shaped loosely, statement jewellery, 'unusual' died hair, piercings, hats, big glasses etc. This is not being 'different'. Not if every hipster looks like this.

Another thing that the stereotypical hipster does is look for music and hobbies that aren't 'mainstream'. For example bringing back the awesomeness that is reading, and searching out indie bands that 'nobody' knows. The problem being that all most of the hipsters listen to these bands, and therefore they cannot say that nobody knows them.

To clear one thing, I have no issue with hipsters. If you want to dress/act like that, what business is it of mine? Hell, pastel hair and piercings unf. I just feel like people take themselves far too seriously, and for what reason? Life is fun, enjoy living like an oxymoron, just understand that you are, indeed, making things mainstream.

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'Wipe the mark of madness from my face~'

Tomorrow I will have a lovely artist profile on Thisbe Vos for you, but for now all I shall do is ramble slightly. Like I said, this blog documents my musical journey, so therefore I'm allowed to ramble.

Well, I think one could safely say that yesterday was the best day of my life, despite the fact that I actually 'forgot' to sleep the night before. I say 'forgot' but really it was just my insomnia, and in fact I spent the whole night on twitter which is never healthy. But anyway, I was happy because I got mention from the Filipina singer Sitti who is like an idol to me. Everybody has an artist or maybe even more who they aspire to be like because it's part of your musical persona, how you learn your tastes and styles, and for me that is her.

The second fabulous part was that I became number 1 locally in the jazz charts, with my song 'Your Only One'. Obviously, this is a big achievement considering who I am and what I've been through.

Anyway, I'm currently working on some more songs which I'll upload very soon, and I have some small gigs locally so things are great in that department.

If you'd like me to review your music or and do an artist profile of you please feel free to comment.

As a final note, I'm working on getting my Facebook profile smartened and more full of content, feel free to take a look: http://facebook.com/AstridGwynedd

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FFS, not ANOTHER blog.

Yes, cyber space is swimming with these things. Places where random idiots can tell you about their miserable existance, or pathetic losers can try to 'instruct you' on how to make your life better. Well that's not what this is. This is my rambling space, yes, but it's not going to be patronizing or 'instructional'. I mean, flipping heck, there's nothing I could really instruct in if I tried. How to dress weirdly, maybe? How to be a sarcastic, opinionated person who thinks hipsters should be shot? No. There are many other people who do that better than me. However, I do need a place to vent at the ridiculous things in this world, so, here. I plan to document my *cough* rise to fame *cough* life journey and musical experience right here.

Maybe I should tell you a bit about myself? Hm, yeah. But then me, ew. Ew, me. Who would want to know me? Ew.

I'm known as Astrid-Gwynedd, a Jazz singer topping the Reverbnation charts in Hull, UK. Yes, I'm British and I Northern England FTW.  I'm Catholic and I believe that everybody in the world deserves to be treated equally regardless of skin colour, hair colour, religion or background - excluding ginger people and southerners :P

I like Classical music, Jpop, Jrock, a little Kpop, Jazz, Bossa Nova, Ska and Swing. I don't like Anime much, but I love Jdramas. Fashion wise, I like anything bright and unusual, japanese street fashions, goth fashion, basically anything that stands out a little.

So that's all you need to know about me. If you like me, read on. If you don't, please get the hell out of my web space.

*Please note, any hate I show against southerners is just a friendly joke. Currently, I am dating a half asian southerner, so obviously I am not a racist towards southerners.

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